I finally got a job. I told everyone I knew and everyone who would listen about it. I was excited. A puppy anticipating a long morning walk standing by the door, tail wagging. It has been a long journey of job applications, week-to-week budgeting (day-to-day really), discouragement, interviews, emails, NYC trips, etc. I'm tired. I'm stubborn. I'm broke. I'm working unconventionally. I'm learning. I'm eager. I want to get paid to write, and I was blessed with an opportunity to do just that.
8 days later, I sent a letter of resignation, after 8 hours of staring at my unfinished work. This is exactly why we did a 30 day contract. To test it out, for both parties. See what would work, see what didn't. Unfortunately, I underestimated the workload in relation to pay rate and my time. Another lesson in self worth, I sighed.
This is a tough, tough industry. It's not even a clear cut or clearly outlined industry. Being a writer in 2015 isn't as romantic as an idea I had in 2001.
It's social media, it's marketing, it's SEO keywords, it's buzzworthy, it's content farming, it's what's happening now and how happening quickly, it's 300 words, it's two photos and one video, it's a good headline, it's how many popular articles you can do in a day, it's all about the hits, it's about being adaptive. I'm not unaware of the changes of the media field. It's been a point of study since before college. Newspapers are dying, magazines are expensive and a small margin wants to pay you to put your work on the Internet. I know these things.
And yet, here I still am. Trying to make it work. I know have a voice, I believe I have a vision and frankly, I just need another several years of figuring it out. Transitional phases are the best, and the worst. It's been what I wanted since I learned to read and write, and I'm not ready to give up. I can adapt my skillset to fit the job market, I know I can because I have before. I'll be able to interview musicians and artists and write a book, refocus on poetry and fall in love. Just maybe not today, or tomorrow.
After more than six months of searching, I might very well have another six more months of searching ahead of me. I'm okay. I am not desperate yet. Which, in terms of everything, is an amazing blessing. I'm freelancing, and continuing to build my talents. Every day I do a little, some days I do a lot.
I'm thankful for my friends, my family, people I've only met once or twice who still offer advice and encouragement, anyone who has sent me a link for a job I might like, people making it in this media field and those who read my words. Just feeling some gratitude this morning, as I procrastinate doing my small to-do list and tweak my resume for the hundredth time.
Depending on how things go, I may be doing some traveling soon, maybe a move back home to my parents (maybe not) and maybe not having a plan for as long as I possibly can.
Cheers, 2015. You're already kinder to me.
